PSSSSST....HAVE YOU HEARD....?

I am constantly amazed at how mean kids are to each other! Especially girls. Whoever said girls are sugar and spice hasn't been on the Internet lately!

Today I heard a young lady proudly announce that she has a website set up so people can gossip about and trash each other. This practice is called "slamming." Her rationalization was that it was perfectly acceptable for people to trash others, and HER site is good because it gives the person being trashed a chance to "defend themselves", as opposed to places like MySpace or Facebook where people can just trash each other and spread gossip and the victim has no chance to respond. Wow. Her mother must be real proud of her! such a public service-minded little dear.

It was bad enough when I was in school many years ago.....I know that gossipy kids have always been a part of everyone's lives....and it has always been hurtful...but these kids now have the Internet as a weapon and they take it to a whole new level. People's lives are ruined..teenagers who are walking a thin line anyway are pushed over the edge and commit suicide. The results of this bullying are terrible.

A person can be a target for being just the tiniest bit different from what is considered "the norm." What does that mean, anyway? And who decided what the norm is?

Kids are put under pressure to have the "right" clothes and shoes, live in the "right" neighborhoods, drive the "right" cars..be the "right" weight....or suffer unimaginable humiliation. How sad is that? And what does that say about parents?

Why are you teaching your children that they are worthless unless they are part of this nonsense? You buy them all those expensive designer clothes and shoes and all this electronic crap, because they guilt you into it. Why do you allow that? You should be teaching them that all that stuff is superficial and will break and wear out, but becoming a good person inside will be with them forever.

As a society, we have become a bunch of materialistic, uncaring, mean-spirited, money-grubbing, greedy, selfish and incredibly lazy parents. Children are allowed to run the house and be disrespectful, demanding and selfish, too...what do you expect with you as their example?....and they are NOT happy! In fact, I have never seen such miserable, groundless, rootless messes in my life.

Parents, where ARE you when your kids are on the Internet busily trying to destroy the lives of other kids? Why aren't you monitoring them? (Over and above this nonsense, is the danger of pedophiles getting to your kids because you aren't watching them...but that's a subject for another day.)

I know that you parents have been warned to keep the computer in the living room or some other place where you can see what they're doing, but you continue to allow the kids to keep it in their rooms where they can shut you out and do whatever they want because you want to "trust them"....(or because they're quiet and out of your way when they're tippy-tapping that keyboard.)

Boy, they have you trained, don't they!

No. You don't just blindly trust them. To do so is inviting disaster..haven't you figured that out yet? Kids lie. Plain and simple. They lie! What kid is going to admit that they're on MySpace ruining someone's reputation with gossip and lies, or that they're talking to someone they think is another kid on their web page but who in reality is some freak trying to get personal information out of them so he can get to them. And, because you aren't watching and monitoring where they've been, the freak does get that information....they are so good at that; it's what they do.

Don't give me that old tired excuse that you work all day and can't be there to keep an eye on your kids, either. I was a single parent of three and I know how hard that is....so what! More likely, you just don't want to be bothered to take the necessary steps to make sure they can't get into trouble on the net....or you don't want to hear the whining when you take those steps.. well, tough! Here's what you do: Take the keyboard and mouse with you when you go to work. They can't operate the computer without those two things, now can they? Sure, it's a lot of trouble and there will be whining...but, too bad. What I used to tell my kids whenever they'd whine about any rules I set down was: "I'll give you 60 seconds to whine and complain all you want....and then we're done."

I know that kids will find a way around your rules...they're real inventive that way..but you have to try to keep one step ahead, and care enough to be on top of things. Know their friends....know the addresses and phone numbers of those friends, too...and talk to their parents. It's your obligation and responsibility. Believe me, if your kids know you will be communicating with those parents they will be more hesitant to do stupid stuff. Make those parents your allies, and you be theirs.

Kids have way too much time on their hands that they can use to get into trouble. Why aren't you giving them chores and responsibilities and expecting those to be completed?

What they need is for you to stop operating on guilt. They need you to say "NO!!" Loudly and with conviction, and stick to it. They need rules, guidelines and expectations. They need to be a part of the family...which means that they have chores....every day, not just when you think about it. They need your time, not your money and things! Your TIME...which is priceless.

Children need to be taught from the time they are little...age two is not too young...compassion for others, empathy, kindness to animals, responsibility and what the house rules and rules of society are. They must be taught that there are consequences for bad behaviors...each and every time they disobey, not just when you feel like enforcing whatever rule they've broken.
They must have consistency. If you waffle around and one day this is the rule but the next day it isn't, kids will become confused and will be encouraged to push the boundaries constantly to see what they can get away with at any particular time. It's what kids do....ALL kids. It's their job and they're experts at it! If you think childhood isn't a war between you and them then you are way too naive. And it's a war you'd better win!

And what is this with kids being allowed to swear at their parents? It's bad enough when you allow them to talk back to you...but, swearing, too? I'll tell you this: my kids are grown and I still do not want to hear them talk like that.....and they don't; they know better. They may swear a little out of my hearing, I don't know...but, they won't to or around me. I don't like it; it's disrespectful....and I didn't when they were little and don't now talk to them like that either. You lead by example. I used to tell them that trashy language was the tool of ignorance.

(I'm not saying I'm perfect....I've been know to drop an "F-bomb" or two.....but, I don't talk to my kids that way, and I don't make it a way of life.)

Stop being afraid of your kids. You are not their friend...you can't be while they are growing up; you're all that stands between them and disaster. A friend will walk into that disaster with them..it's YOUR job to keep them out of it , no matter how "uncool" they accuse you of being. My response to my kids was: "I'm not out to win a popularity contest! I'm out to raise good, responsible adults who will contribute to society. Deal with it!"

So, parents....toughen up! Your kids will thank you later.