KIDS, EGGS AND COMMON SENSE

I was thinking more about parenting and the lack of control parents seem to have on their kids, and I thought about an "America's Funniest Videos" episode I saw recently that I didn't consider so funny, and that was pretty indicative of just what I mean, as well as another incident that happened to me in a grocery store not too long ago.

On the America's video episode there was a little girl, about two years old in a grocery store near the egg section. (Now, mind you, her parent was standing there recording this whole thing...probably with a cell phone video)....the child went over to the eggs and grabbed a carton, took some time struggling to open it, while walking around with it, and when she finally did get it open she turned it upside down, breaking every one of the eggs all over herself and the floor....this whole thing took about a minute and a half....plenty of time for the parent to stop this kid...but, no, it was "just so cute". You may be thinking it was cute, too....but let me tell you why it was definitely NOT cute, but rather rude, inconsiderate and just plain irresponsible on the parent's part: First of all, what's the message sent to the kid? "Whatever you want to do, darling, is just fine with me." 2: Not a thought given to the wastefulness of the eggs, nor the cost to the grocery store, nor the fact that that had to be cleaned up by someone...certainly not the stupid parent.....and hopefully before some unsuspecting person came along and slipped on the mess, suing the store, and costing us, the consumers, higher prices on everything in order to make up for the lawsuit. Still think it was cute?

The other incident that I personally was involved with happened when I was in a grocery store during a shopping trip and had to get some eggs. As I went over to the egg section, which was at the end of an aisle, I noticed a little boy about 5 years old. He was opening cartons of eggs, moving them around and then putting them back any which way, leaving some teetering on the edge of the shelves. I looked around and didn't see any adult nearby; certainly no one watching him...which, in itself these days is scary....but I didn't say anything. I reached for a dozen for myself and, just as I did, the kid was clutching yet another carton and starting to open it....upside down. Instinctively I grabbed the eggs, preventing them from spilling out and smashing on him and the floor. I said, "Oh, honey, you almost dropped them." I was smiling at him...it wasn't his fault after all....and where in the dickens was his parent, I wondered! Suddenly, there she was...giving me a cold, controlled condescending smile. "He was helping me pick out some eggs," she says to me. And then, turning to him she says, "Good job! You were such a help!" I said, "Well, that's lovely, but if I hadn't grabbed the eggs just in time he would have been wearing them all over his clothes and shoes....how much help would THAT have been?"
I mean, really....couldn't the kid have helped pick out something non-breakable, maybe? See what I mean about common sense?

Now, I do believe in making a child feel good about themselves....but, I do NOT believe in empty praise. This nonsense about praising kids for every little tiny thing they say or do is simply crap! It demeans real praiseworthy accomplishments and eventually makes praise itself meaningless. Think about it: if a kid hears "Yaaaaaayyy" and loud applause constantly for everything, then what motivation do they have to truly work hard for something meaningful? And what about the kids who DO work hard to get good grades or become good athletes or whatever....their well-deserved praise is diminished because EVERYONE gets the same thing whether or not they've earned it. (God forbid little Johnny should get his feelings hurt by being made to realize that he could have done a better job if he had put more effort into whatever he was doing!) When you tell a kid everything he does is wonderful, you rob him of the sense of accomplishment and pride he feels when he truly does a good job. And, by the way, do you think your kids are stupid? They know when they've messed up. When you give them empty praise it actually shrinks them...."Oh well...why should I bust my butt doing something right when I'll be rewarded no matter what?"

Constant empty praise also gives kids an attitude of entitlement: "Everyone should think I'm great; after all, my mommy and daddy told me so!" What a shock it is when they get out into the real world and find out they're just ordinary after all and not everyone loves them. (Wake up, Alice...it's not wonderland!!)