GETTING TO KNOW ME FIRST

Hello!
I think it's way past time for common sense parenting, grandparenting, and being an in-law...(or "outlaw", as the case may be..depending upon how much you like that group of people in your life.) and, because, I'm a mother, grandmother and an in-law, I have some very strong opinions on these subjects...(as well as other subjects as you will see as time goes on)... and the lack of common sense I've seen for too long in parents.

In addition to the above, I am also a photographer, an artist, a writer (I'm presently working on a cold case novel, and have had poetry published)...I have driven race cars in a "Solo II" type track. I have been a volunteer on a Suicide Crisis Hotline. I own a small business. I am a dog lover and I own a 12 year old black cocker spaniel named Poppy....or, I guess, more realistically, she owns me....but, she's a good dog and I love her.

I've been divorced and I've been widowed. I have three grown children and five grandchildren.
I've lived in Southern California during some really fun decades: 50's, 60's, and 70's. I've also lived in San Antonio, Texas, Akron, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, and Albuquerque, New Mexico.

In this blog you will find many subjects, strong opinions, information, encouragement, advice and, I hope, a little something for everyone....but we'll see.
I also hope that you out there will give feedback and that I can learn things from you, too.

My one rule is this: I do not suffer fools gladly and I will not welcome comments that contain ignorant, offensive language, so, if you can't contribute something intelligent to this blog, please move on to some other blog or chat room where you can spout any garbage you want.

So...that said.....let's see where this goes.

As I said in the beginning, I am wondering where common sense in parenting has gone?
What are you parents thinking when you allow little Johnny or Susie to rule the house? Why do you feel such guilt over saying "no" to your children? Do you honestly think they will hate you forever if they don't get everything they want?
Let me tell you that when my kids were growing up and they'd ask for something ridiculous, my response was: "Have you fallen out of a tree on your head?" or: "People in hell want ice water, too." Usually that was enough to get the point across...but, occasionally, I'd get the angry "I hate you", to which my response was: "Good! That means I'm doing my job!"

When they'd threaten to run away, I would say "Just a minute...let me help you pack...and be sure to take your dirty laundry with you. Don't forget to pack a lunch and take a coat for when you get cold and hungry....oh, and how long do you think it will take you to find a job...probably not a good idea to have your prospective employer call me for a reference."
Nothing like a good dose of reality to make them think twice.

I believe in consequences for actions.....you mess up, you fix up! This is how real life is, and if you don't prepare your children for real life you are crippling them emotionally.
You may love them but the rest of the world doesn't and they need to learn that from babyhood. The rest of us do not think your out-of-control child is cute when he or she creates a disturbance in a restaurant, or anywhere else....yelling and running around while you smile indulgently. What ever happened to manners and consideration?

You wonder why things are so chaotic and kids are so messed up, shooting up malls and schools......look in the mirror! These children have WAY too much freedom and things, and not enough discipline and attention from their parents.....and on the subject of freedom: when my kids were growing up, I made it clear that our home was a dictatorship, NOT a democracy. Now I can just see you young parents rearing up on your hind legs and objecting to that....well this is where you need to get quiet for a minute and think about what I'm saying. If the Columbine parents would have had that attitude, those kids would not have been able to destroy so many lives along with their own because their parents would have tossed their rooms on a regular basis the minute they would have noticed the black clothing, the "I-hate-society" attitudes, the obvious drug use, etc, and they would have found those weapons stored in their rooms! Instead, they turned their heads and ignored the signs and wanted to "respect the privacy of the kids". Bull! This is what I told my kids...(who, by the way, I had to raise alone): "As long as my name is on the lease agreement or mortgage and all the bills come into this home with my name on them, and the paychecks (I worked three jobs) that come into this home are made out to me, and it is I who puts food on the table and clothes on your back and a roof over your head, you will do as I say. Period. When I see paychecks coming into this house with YOUR names on them and bills going out with checks that YOU'VE signed, then we will renegotiate. Until then, all the rooms in this house belong to me, and if I feel the need to go into the rooms you occupy and check them for anything at any time, I will! You will contribute to the smooth running of this home; you will NOT be a liability. You will help with chores, you will go to school and you will behave yourself! Any time you feel you are too grown to follow the rules, you can make other arrangements. If you get yourself into trouble you will find a way to get yourself out WITHOUT causing any suffering to the rest of the family. There are consequences for bad behavior. I am the only thing that stands between you and disaster...and I am NOT your friend! I love you and I am your parent and I will tell you NO on a regular basis BECAUSE I love you. I am not out to win a popularity contest; I am out to raise good, solid, responsible adults who will contribute something to this world!"

Now....all that being said, let me also tell you that I spent a lot of time with my children, despite working multiple jobs. They were my main focus and I told them...and showed them...every single day just how much I loved them..(and I still make sure they know that every day.) We went fun places together, established wonderful holiday traditions that remain to this day, laughed and cried and grew up together...because I was only 16 when my first child was born....(I never said I was a saint...I just thought I was "in love").

Here's the bottom line: I've been a mother for 48 years...I've learned so much...a lot by trial and error.....so why not benefit by my knowledge and mistakes and just maybe you can avoid making the same ones.......and here's where the advice comes in. You don't have to go it alone; ask questions; who knows...maybe I may have an answer and a little insight. I wish I would have had that support when I was struggling to make it on my own!

I'm not a stogy old woman who's out of touch with reality....my grandkids, (two of them teenagers...think I'm "pretty cool".

I'm able to keep up with what's going on with teenagers; I am told I'm a lot of fun and have a good sense of humor...but, there's a time to be serious, too...and that time is now. Our kids are in a lot of trouble, parents! Look around and pay attention. Get your focus off yourselves and what YOU want, and be a parent to your kids...not a "friend." Friendship comes later, when they are grown.

When my kids were growing up, their friends would love to come over to our house...not because I was trying to be like them...oh no...we had rules! And I was the adult, not their friend...good Lord, I sure didn't want to be a teenager again! They found stability at my house and guidance, too....and lots of love and acceptance...but they knew they had to follow the house rules. My kids could not for the life of them understand why their friends thought I was "so cool"....now that they are all grown up and have children of their own, they understand. ( Hey, I told them one day they would!) :)