I am so puzzled!
Out of boredom sometimes, I watch the Maury Povich Show. I like Maury, but his shows are always about paternity tests and feature these women who range in age from 15 to 18 years old; a few early 20's (so you are the ones I'm talking to now,) and have had multiple partners, but are "ten THOUSAND percent sure" that this or that man that they've dragged up there is the father, and, of course the guy..or guys..deny it and call the woman everything but a child of God. (If she is all those things the guy is calling her, what does that say about him?...after all, he was dumb enough to sleep with her!)
Then, when the paternity test shows he's not the father, he jumps for joy while the girl races from the stage crying and screaming and falling on the floor "in total shock"! I saw one show where the guy being tested was one of ten.....TEN! And he wasn't the father either! Now, how many men can you be with in the short amount of time during the month when you can conceive a child?
Even worse, some of these girls, at maybe 17 or 18, have three (or more) kids, all by different fathers....Girls....what are you thinking? I mean, it happens once, well, okay you deal with it...but over and over? Didn't you figure out the first time what causes that?
Now, you know, I could give a rat's behind how promiscuous a person chooses to be....I mean, I think it's absolute insanity in this day and age with AIDS and other STD's...but, if you are dumb enough to go there, not my problem....unless you expect me to support your mistakes with my tax dollars. But, what so puzzles me is that with birth control options so plentiful, readily available, and free for so many women through Planned Parenthood and other clinics.......why oh why are you people having all these babies that you haven't a clue how to raise or support? You have little or no education; no job skills or experience, no clue as to where you will take this child once it's born, and absolutely nothing on any level to offer a child. You can't even take care of yourself!
And, please, don't give me that tired old garbage about "well, men should wear protection; they need to take responsibility for preventing pregnancy, too." To quote a good friend of mine: "Wake up Alice...this isn't wonderland!" Yes, of course men should wear protection because of all the diseases out there...but, if you think that alone will prevent pregnancies, you've really got your head up where the sun doesn't shine! Those things are just a tiny bit better than nothing for that purpose.
And, ladies, who do you think winds up with the big belly and the screaming infant when you are so carelessly hopping from bed to bed? It sure isn't the man. So why don't YOU take responsibility for protecting YOURSELF? Surely you aren't so stupid as to think that it won't happen to you...or, if it does, that the man (if you can figure out which of the many you've been so easy with is the father) will actually step up and claim this responsibility, are you? Just the fact alone that you've been with so many reduces you in the eyes of all of these men to just a body part for a "booty call". They sure don't want to claim you after you've cheapened yourself that way. Is that okay with you? Do you have ANY form of respect for yourself?
When did it become so accepted for young women to behave this way? No shame; no thought given to any consequences...just do what ever you want, whenever you want. And, as a result, we have babies raising babies without any guidance, and their children are then tossed out into society, rootless, groundless, and amoral because they've not been taught better...and then they become the problem of the rest of us. Personally, I deeply resent that!
Now, you may think I'm being really harsh here. And you would be right. Someone has to tell you the un-sugar-coated truth. And the truth is that the WORLD is harsh! Especially for a young, single mother. Better get used to it if that's the route you choose.
When you find yourself in that predicament, maybe you have some glamorous notion that this man you think is the father will rescue you and all of you will live happily ever after. Or, if he conveniently disappears, which is more likely, maybe you think your parents will jump in and take care of all yours and the baby's needs. Or, even sillier, you think you can "get a job" that will support you and this baby..at age 15, 16 or 17.....with no skills or education you are just going to fall into a job good enough to do that. Yeah, THAT'LL happen! Good luck!
Maybe your parents will take care of you and the baby...but, how selfish are you to expect them to? They didn't make that baby, you did. Something you had no right to do and could have easily prevented. Why should they put their lives on hold just to make yours easier? You don't deserve to have an easy life, and no one owes you anything...because you deliberately chose the low road.
Or, maybe by some miracle you do know for sure who the father is and he's willing to step up. Then what? Does he have a J.O.B.? Probably not, if he's in high school or has quit school and his main job is to hang out with his buds. But, let's dream for a minute, and imagine that he actually does have a job, and he IS willing to step up and claim this responsibility. Is the job good enough to support you all?....(I mean, REALLY support you, like enough to get a place of your own rather than depending on living with yours or his parents or other relatives.) Are you going to be able to pay rent, buy food, pay utilities, buy diapers, baby formula, baby clothes, a crib, a stroller, .....and on and on and on.....because babies' needs are endless, and all of those needs are expensive! (and I haven't even mentioned all the medical bills, both before and after. Kids get sick. A lot!) Are you and this baby's father going to be able to manage the stress of a kicking, screaming, colicky, spitting up, diaper-messing, red-faced alien at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00 in the morning and nothing you do will calm this child down? All you want is a little sleep. Ha! Forget it, Sunshine! Your days of sleeping in are over!
You think babies are "just so cute" and you "want one of those", "something to love you". Yeah? You tell me that about 2 weeks after you have one. Do you think you can just take a child out of a closet somewhere, snuggle it for awhile until you're tired of it and then put it away again like a doll?
Why do you think there's so much child abuse? Too-young parents who "just wanted one of those" so bad that they couldn't wait or think ahead or use birth control because of selfishness and laziness....and then they get the rude awakening when reality hits and they can't handle the stress and flip out..and who do you think pays the price for your stupidity then? That poor, innocent baby that you just "had to have"!
Okay, then, let's say you and the baby's daddy make it living together through the first year....maybe a year and a half if we're being optimistic. Where are you most likely to be? Let me tell you: Poor, stuck in dead-end jobs, exhausted, stressed, resentful, angry, hating each other, arguing constantly, and looking towards a future of more of the same. By this time you and this child's father will most likely be splitting up; easy for him, he just goes on down the road to the next girl. (Getting child support out of him will be a challenge.) But you? You have this little toddler clinging to you; this precious, innocent little thing who only wants love and attention, but you haven't a clue how to properly provide that; crying, nose running, needing to be fed, diaper in need of changing,...and you'd give your right arm to just turn back time and be able to go out with your friends who were smart enough not to go down the dead end path you chose. They're out having fun, going places, attending college, getting good jobs, driving nice cars, dating, looking towards a good future, planning weddings and honeymoons...something you never got because you don't have any money for such luxuries. No, all your money has had to go to just surviving and supporting this child you so carelessly created. How much fun is it now?.....and all because you didn't care enough...about yourself....or any child you might create....to take a minute to choose a simple method of birth control, and use it properly...to prevent the mess you got into. These days, with all the options, there are very few legitimate excuses for an unwanted pregnancy.
As a potential parent, with all the opportunities available now, you owe any child you bring into this world the best life possible. That means you first bring yourself up to a high level educationally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. You make sure you have something to offer this child BEFORE you create it..like, oh, I don't know..a stable home, maybe? Just for kicks? You don't just sleep with anyone who is handy and then a baby just happens.
You don't have to get married or have kids at an early age these days...Give yourself the gift of time. There are so many more things to do; exciting places to experience, more ways to get a good education, start a business, learn about life...so you have something valuable to pass on to your children and you know more about how to raise them to be productive members of society. Children learn what they live.
Baby? Think it over!
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I absolutely loved this article! I have watched some of these shows, yes out of stupidness on my part. Most of the time, I end up just turning the TV off. Not worth my time... I was married for 7 years before I had a child and was with the love of my life for 5 years before we were married. He and I CHOSE to have a child. We banked money for years and decided that I should take 2 years off work and school - law school, not high school - to stay home and raise our child. Which by the way, I only took 9 months off before I went back to working at job in a law firm. She was born premature and had to stay in the hospital for weeks. It was heartbreaking. But, my husband would drop me off at the hospital every morning and I would spend the day in the ICU unit with my daughter. My husband would come to the hospital every evening, we would go to the cafe and have dinner and then spend the rest of the evening in the ICU with our daughter. This went on for weeks. When our daughter was finally able to come home, she weighed 2-1/2 pounds, had colic and it was a nightmare. No drugs back then to help with colic, just nerves to deal with. Now think about this, I was not working, but breast feeding this tiny infant every hour on the hour for months. I was getting to be a nervous wreck. My husband would tell me to go take a nap and he would stay up with her for hours at night, feed her breast milk that I had pumped and frozen so that I could get some rest. He had to get up in the morning to go to work. Now, that is what I call a real Dad. Anyone can be a "Father" but it takes a special person to be a "Dad". This man helped me overcome the drama I was going through for 4 months with this little ball of flesh, aka our daughter, until we could get to sleep for a few hours at a time. He was always there for me and for our daughter throughout those horrible moments of our lives. I actually remember one night being up with her, being so exhausted that I could barely think and I wanted to throw her out the window of our condo because I just was at MY WITS END. He got out of bed, took her from my arms and said "go to sleep, you need it more than I do". Now that is a Dad and someone who cared enough about my nerves to help me see the light through the whole ordeal.
You young girls out there have no earthly idea what you are getting into... Like the author said, WAKE UP ALICE, THIS IS NOT WONDERLAND. These babies do not just disappear when they are born. What, you think you can get more welfare because you have more kids? I truly do not want my tax dollars going to raise other peoples mistakes and laziness because you are too lazy for a simple trip to Planned Parenthood. First mistake, shame on you. Second mistake, shame on all of you!
Get your acts together! This the real world. What the hell do you think your poor child will grow up to be? No education, etc. You cannot even be a trash collector now a days without an education of some kid. And, studies have shown that children that are born into situations like this fail, over, over and over.
Have more respect for yourself and your life. Plan, don't just "go with the flow". Life just does not work out like that.
The author picked a very good subject to discuss. Unfortunately for most people out there, your parents didn't prepare you for real life. Kids having kids is absolutely stupid.
Learn from the wise... Life is what YOU make it.
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