I was going to my blog this afternoon and when I bring up my browser, which is Road Runner cable internet, the National news headlines come up.
One caught my attention and after I read it I cheered! "MOM SELLS RULE-BREAKING SON'S CAR".
I LOVED it!
It seems this woman in Des Moines, Iowa whose found alcohol in her 19 year old son's 1999 Olds, made the awesome decision to come down hard on this kid and took his car away and sold it. She not only did that, but she put a great ad in the Des Moines Register newspaper advertising the car. The wording was so funny! She called herself "nosey"....I call her smart and responsible. Remember, I've said in my blogs that I don't believe in kids having privacy...check rooms and check their cars.
There were two rules that the mother set down when the kid got the car: no alcohol and keep the car locked. Simple, yes? But the kid only had the car for three weeks before he broke the rules.
He tried to say that the alcohol belonged to a friend.....but his mother was smart enough not to buy that excuse. And, best of all.....she really did follow through and did sell the car....and I'm sure the boy cried and whined and promised never to do it again and said he was sorry, blah blah blah! But, too bad. If she would have just threatened to sell the car and then let him off the hook, it would've accomplished nothing as far as him learning his lesson. Now, I can pretty much bet he'll never do something that dumb again....and isn't that the point? If I saw this mother, I would hug her and say "thank you raising your child right instead of putting yet another irresponsible kid out into society where other people have to deal with him."
If you've been reading my blogs you know how I believe in consequences....and I've said how I know how hard it is to be tough on your kids, but that if you don't, you will regret it later when your kids turn out to be worthless messes who are completely unable to function in normal society.
I used to tell my kids when they messed up and said "I'm sorry" and expected that would be enough: "I appreciate that you are sorry....and you should be. But, when you are out in society, you break a law, and you are standing before a judge, do you think just saying you're sorry will be enough? That the judge will say, 'Oh, well...as long as you're sorry then everything is okay and you can go now.'? The world doesn't work that way."
You do need to teach your children empathy and they should say "I'm sorry" when they do something wrong...but, they also need to learn that those words become meaningless when they are used too often, and that those words are not enough. Saying "I'm sorry" does not automatically absolve you from the consequences of your behavior.
Just like lying. I would tell them that if they did something wrong and I asked them about it, they'd better tell the truth. If they did mess up, there would be appropriate consequences....however...if they lied about what they did, the consequences would be twice as bad. I said it and I stuck by it.....I really hate lying. It insults my intelligence.
It didn't take them too long to figure out that I knew more of what they were up to then they thought I did and they may as well not do "the crime" in the first place, or if they did, they'd better tell me about it and get it over with.
It's so hard raising good kids....but, the secret is to start early. Don't let them do whatever they want all their lives until they become teenagers and are even more out of control...and then you decide you don't like their behavior and crack down. Yes, better late than never....but be prepared for a battle many many times harder than it would have been if you'd started early. A two year old is not too young to learn what's acceptable and follow some rules. And, by the way, kids WANT rules, believe it or not. It makes them feel secure and loved. If you don't believe that, watch how kids with no rules will push and push the boundries until they are finally stopped one way or the other, with too often tragic results. Where kids who do have rules are happier, more secure, and don't get into trouble as much. (I'm not naive enough to say they'll never get into trouble, but you can bet it won't be as the kind of trouble from which there's no coming back.)
Hang in there, parents! Stay strong and tough! It's worth it.
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1 comment:
Good, good for this Mother. When I read the article, I actually laughed! My child ALWAYS had rules to follow & if they were not followed, she paid the consequences. No going back to try & change mistakes we make parenting, only going forward & sticking to the consequences. My child was grounded many times for stupid actions. And, I never, ever gave in. You do the stupid actions, you pay the price. And, believe me, the price was not an easy one. No matter what, I never gave in.
My granddaughters, 2 & 4 yrs old, have rules posted on the basement door at my house. Their Mother sat them down & made the children help with the "rule list". You are either "Helpful Honeys" or you are "Bad Beans". They earn stickers for their good deeds & get a BIG black "X" if they are not. My house, their Mother's rules. You abide by the rules or there comes that big black "X". I am a nonensense Nana. They eat healthy meals at my house, have healthy snacks, a set bath time & a set bedtime. On the other hand, their other grandparents have NO rules at their house. The girls run around like crazy kids, stay up until all hours of the night, eat nothing but junk food, etc. Get my drift here? If they break the rules at my house, I take them to the rule list, read them both the rules & then swat their butt & send them to the corner. Might sound cruel to some of you, but I want my granddaughters to be people that society can live with.
That Mother in Des Moines did the right thing. She made the rules & she STUCK TO THEM. Good for her.
Have rules for your children and stick to them. It makes them better people & gives them a place in society that people can respect.
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