SAY "I LOVE YOU" NOW!

I was tearing up my office today looking for a particular photograph that I've been looking for for quite awhile now. Really frustrating, because I KNOW the darn thing has to be somewhere around here.........so where IS it? Annoying!

While looking for it, and saying some bad words to myself, suddenly I ran across a photo album that contains many old family pictures and it stopped me cold. I had to look through it.

In this album are pictures of me as a child with my younger brother and older sister, as well as my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and some relatives from WAY back that I never knew, but feel so blessed to have pictures of them.

I've moved many, many times over the past 50 years, from the time I was 12 years old until 1995 when I finally settled down where I am now..and during those moves, too many pictures have disappeared. I always envy people who have photos of their ancestors hanging on the walls in their homes...they just don't know how blessed they are to have those wonderful pieces of their family's history!

But, today, it hit a little closer to home because as I looked at this album, I saw several pictures of my little brother, Jay, who was killed in a car accident on Christmas Eve in 1995. I will never, as long as I live, forget that phone call that I got from my sister's husband on that Christmas Eve twelve years ago telling me of his passing. My sister was too distraught to make any calls so her husband took over the task. It seems like yesterday..and yet, eons ago.

As I looked at those pictures of him as a child, and those taken later of him as an adult, the tears rolled down my cheeks. I miss him so much!

My brother lived in California at the time of this accident, as did my older sister, brother-in-law and parents. I lived here in the Midwest.

My sister is five years older than I, and our brother, Jay, was 7 years younger than I, and twelve years younger than my sister.

Because of problems in our family, Jay became very attached to my sister when he was just a tiny little kid, and down through the years, she always looked out for him. I did, too, and he came to me for many things, but, our sister was his "mother".

He grew attached to me as well.

Eventually, because of my divorce and the need to get my three children out of California in 1973, I made the choice to move back here to the Midwest. My brother was pretty mad at me; he accused me of "deserting" him. My sister was pretty ticked off as well. She called me a "loser" because my marriage failed...those were the last words she said to me before I left and they still hurt today, even though she and I have mended our relationship over the past 15 years.. (My parents weren't too thrilled either, but they did understand and supported me.)

It broke my heart that I had to leave everyone, but, the bottom line was that I had to do what was best for my children. They were always...and still are...priority.

My brother chose to not speak to me for the next 16 years. And I didn't talk to my sister for the next 9 years. She and I were never close, even growing up....I was just her little pain-in-the-butt sister. Part of the reason for that, I'm sure , was that when we were kids we had to share a room. She was Ms. Neat and I was Susie-Super-Slob. There was a line down the middle of our room....and it was obvious who's section was whose! (Hilarious, because now I own a successful residential cleaning service!) We were always polar opposites...and pretty much still are, although we have do have more in common now that we're older than we did while growing up.

But, it was always a pain in my heart that my sister and brother had fallen away from me. I missed them, but didn't know how to fix it.

Then, in September of 1989, I decided to move to New Mexico with my oldest daughter and then 3 year old grandson. The night before we left, everything had been disconnected except the phone and the electricity, which were scheduled for disconnection the next day. The U-Haul truck and our cars were all loaded up and ready to go. We threw down sleeping bags on the floor of the living room to use until the next morning.

Then, about 8:00 that evening, the phone rang. I almost didn't answer it, but then I did. It was my brother! I hadn't heard from him for 16 years. It was amazing. My sister had my phone number, even though we didn't keep in regular touch and my brother had asked her for it so he could call me.

When I answered the phone and heard my brother's voice I was speechless. I was so happy to hear from him. As we talked, it was as if it was just yesterday since we last spoke. I told him I was moving and gave him my new address and asked him to come visit me as soon as possible. He promised he would.

(Now, personally, I believe in miracles and I think our parents who had passed on years ago had a hand in this....why else would he have been able to reach me that night just a few hours before I disconnected that phone number and moved to another state where he may not have been able to find me?)

Anyway, I moved to New Mexico, and my brother did come out to see me twice during the 6 years I lived there. We reconnected and it was wonderful! We had such fun running around NM.

(Also, my sister and I reconnected as well; she came out to see me in NM, too. We had a great time. And then, in June of 1995, when she and my brother-in-law were relocating to Tennessee, they stopped by to see me on their way there. It was the same year I moved back here to the Midwest, September of '95.)

Shortly after I moved back here in Sept 1995, I got a call from my brother...the last time I spoke to him. We talked for awhile, and just before we hung up, I said to him, "I love you." "I love you, too", he said.

Three months later, on Christmas Eve, I got that terrible phone call telling me my brother was gone.

The only comfort I got was the fact that the last words I said to him were "I love you."

It taught me a lesson.....never end a conversation with loved ones or beloved friends without saying "I love you." You don't know if those are the last words you may be able to say to them...or that they may be able to say to you.

Do not let petty irritations stand between you and your loved ones. Talk about and fix whatever is wrong. ALWAYS end a phone call with the words "I love you." ALWAYS hug your friends and loved ones when they leave your home, and say "I love you" to them. I don't care if you talk to them or see them every day...Never take for granted that you will be able to tell them or show them you love them tomorrow....tomorrow is promised to no one.

Tell those you love that you love them. Fix whatever petty differences you may have NOW!

You don't want to have to live with knowing that the last thing you said to anyone you love was something nasty or negative, just because you wanted to "be right."