A SMALL DIFFERENCE

I have been experimenting with something.

There is so much negativity in this world and people are rushing, stressed, inconsiderate, and seemingly uncaring about the feelings of others on a day-to-day basis. We seem to have lost the knack of simple courtesy and kindness. Rudeness seems to be the acceptable way of walking through life these days and reality TV, unfortunately, glorifies the morons who act like undisciplined two-year-olds. Sadly, the more ignorant and outrageous they act, the more attention they get.

Oh, many people will step up when there's a disaster somewhere in the world, or if they see something heart-tugging on the news...but, I'm talking about just the every day interactions we all encounter when dealing with others: clerks in grocery stores, customers, the wait staff at a restaurant, etc.

Many times I have been very pleased with the service I've been given by someone but didn't take the time to actually tell them so....but many more times (more often than not) I do compliment a server in a restaurant because they can make or break your dining experience. If you are spending your hard-earned money for a meal out, the last thing you want to deal with is a surly server! And by the same token, no server wants to deal with a nasty customer...(and do you really want spit..or worse...in your food?) But I also know first hand what a tough job it is to be a server in a restaurant! I tried it and was horrible at it and it gave me a true appreciation for anyone who can do that job well and keep a smile on their face!

There are just some people you encounter that you do NOT want to anger, ever! Your doctor, your lawyer, your housekeeper, (she knows everything about you) and anyone who serves you food, just to mention a few! That's just common sense.

But I'm talking about the every day people with whom we all come in contact. How often do you actually stop and tell someone that they've done a great job, or that you appreciate their efforts, or that they've made your day better? But please don't be insincere or condescending. First of all, most people can see right through that anyway, and there's no reason to insult someone's intelligence. But when someone does a really good job or goes that extra mile to help you in whatever capacity the situation calls for, why can't we take that little tiny bit of time to tell them we appreciate them? Just a few words is all that's necessary.

And what might be the trickle down effect? Maybe that person you made smile and feel appreciated will turn around and be kind to someone else who otherwise would possibly have done something nasty to yet another because they were feeling bad that day...and what you did, those few moments you took to make someone smile may have turned what could have been a bad situation into something positive. Think about it.

So, my experiment is to make at least two people feel good each day..whether it's someone I've come into direct contact with, or someone on the Internet via my Facebook page or an email. I've begun doing just that...and the results have been amazing.

The other day at the grocery store a young man about 19 or so was checking out my groceries. He was quiet...just doing his job, not really engaging me as a customer as he scanned each item. Not being rude or abrupt, but just quiet. Then he looked up and asked me if I wanted something in a plastic bag. (I had brought my own cloth reusable bags). I smiled at him and said, "No. I don't want to use plastic at all if I don't have to..I'm trying to do something good for the planet...so it can be passed on to kids like you...and hopefully, you'll do a better job." He stopped and looked at me and then cracked up. Then I said, "You know, so many people think kids these days are so bad, but I don't agree. I mean, look at you...here you are working hard when you could be out acting a fool instead." His whole face just lit up with the biggest smile and his whole demeanor changed. We chatted a bit and then I said, "It's a nice day, I'll bet you'd rather be outside doing something fun..yet, here you are." That smile just got bigger. He said, "Thank you! I appreciate that!" (and I could tell it really meant something to him to be acknowledged.) I told him that I appreciated the fact that he was there taking care of me instead of running the streets causing trouble, and that I was glad he was the one whose checkout stand I chose because it was nice talking to him.
As I rolled the cart away, I looked back at him and he was looking after me, still smiling that big smile and it stayed with him as he turned and began checking out the next customer. I hope he felt good the rest of the day, and when he feels discouraged I hope he remembers our conversation.

My next stop was the pet store right next to the grocery store. My dog, Poppy, has been very sick for the past 8 weeks, going through a very serious surgery and slowly recovering after finally having to have a feeding tube put in because she hasn't been eating. It's been a nightmare..for her and for me, with multiple pill doses and tube feedings every day starting at 7:00 a.m. and ending at 11:00 p.m. The goal is to get her eating regularly so the tube can be removed, so I'd been tearing out my hair trying to find something, anything that will tempt her to eat...and it's been a real challenge.
I finally decided to go to a pet store about 5 days before and see what kinds of dry foods they have. She has to have something very low-fat because pancreatitis is one of her problems, and as fussy as she's been I just didn't know what to try next.

The manager, a young girl about maybe 22 or 23, came up to me and asked if she could help and I explained the situation to her. She dropped everything and we spent about 1/2 hour looking at different foods, checking labels, discussing Poppy's needs. She asked a lot of questions. She really knew her stuff, and after eliminating several foods she recommended this one that happened to be relatively new and had sample 1 lb bags for $2.99 (with a $3.00 coupon on the back towards a larger size if you liked it) and it was a natural, holistic, low-fat food, so I figured I couldn't lose.
She was patient, concerned, caring and never made me feel like I was "bothering" her, and she made sure I was happy with the food choice before I walked up to that register.
When I got home, I opened the bag and poured out a little for Poppy, hoping it would at last be something she liked....and bam! She pounced on that food and ate every bit I'd given her. I could have cried I was so happy.

So when the bag was empty, I went back for more after I did my grocery shopping.

I didn't see this young lady, but I asked the girl at the register about her, described her and the girl said she was in the back. They called her up to the register and I told her just how much I appreciated what she did for me the other day and how happy I was when Poppy ate the food she'd helped me pick out, and that I was grateful for all the time she spent and her knowledge and professionalism.
Again, her face just lit up and I could tell how good it made her feel to be appreciated and that she had made a difference.

But I won't stop there. I asked for the corporate phone number and I will let them know that they have a top-notch employee working at that location because, again, who knows what the trickle down effect will be?

And that's my point. When you make someone feel bad they will take it out on the next person with whom they come in contact...so why can't the reverse be true?

So, my challenge to myself...and to you...is to make at least two people each day glad they came into contact with you, in whatever capacity. It's way easier than you think...and the added benefit is that you will feel good too.

And, can it hurt to put more positive energy out into the Universe? God knows we need it!

APPRECIATING OUR LIVES

Today is Sunday, so I was watching one of my favorite TV shows: "Sunday Morning".

One of the segments was about the now 70 year old play called "Our Town", which is probably one of the most produced plays there is, and, I think, most of us are familiar with it. I personally have never seen it, for some odd reason.

At the end of this play, one of the main characters, Emily Gibbs, dies in childbirth and is allowed to come back for just one day...a day of her choice..any day of her life. She chooses her 12th birthday. She sees her mother cooking and hears her father's voice....

For some reason, this immediately brought tears to my eyes because I had to wonder: if I were given that choice, what day would I choose? What day out of the now 67 years of my life would I choose? How could anyone make that choice? I can't. Can you?
Oh, I would love to spend another day with my mom and dad...(and all those loved ones who have passed on! But to pick ONE day? Impossible!

I have been fortunate to have too many days that have been really, really extraordinary and happy to be able to pick one over another!

And it's impossible to "appreciate every moment of your life"...as the host of Sunday Morning said: "you'd be doing nothing else but being a spectator in your own life because you'd be too busy analyzing each moment".

Nevertheless, too often we get caught up in negative details; you know...the ones that irritate us and make us feel sorry for ourselves...the ones that push out the more numerous happy moments, those ordinary ones which don't get our attention and that we seem to take for granted.

Some days I just find myself outside on a beautiful sunny day, turning my face up towards the sun and loving the feel of the warmth on my skin. Or smelling the wonderful, fresh fragrance of the earth after it rains. I love autumn when the leaves are brilliant on the ground and on the trees...there's something about the light at that time of year that is so special. Being an artist, I notice things like that.
I love windy days, and thunder and lightning, too.

And spending time with my children and grandchildren are at the top of the list! My grandchildren range in age from 24 years old down to 3 years old and they are all so wonderfully bright and funny and interesting! Each one of them, all five, always have something interesting and insightful to say, and listening to them is such fun.

We tend to take so many of the ordinary things of our lives for granted...until they aren't there. One lesson I learned recently was how I took the simple act of walking for granted...until I had a total knee replacement surgery and for 5 months I could not walk. It was humbling, for sure!
I was in a physical rehab facility for more than 2 1/2 of those months...during which time spring came...and went...and summer began. When I at last came home it was June and the trees at my house, which were just beginning to show the tiniest bit of green when I left in April were in full leaf, and flowers, which I didn't even know were in my yard (I'd moved in here in the dead of winter at the beginning of February) were in full bloom. It was a surreal experience! I barely recognized my house. I felt as if I'd been gone for years!

My children were wonderful through the whole miserable recovery period. It's now September, 5 months after the surgery, and I am just recently able to walk, after much therapy, with a slight limp, (which, hopefully, will eventually disappear)....and I just started driving again a week ago...something else I had taken for granted! For someone as independent as I have always been, it was indescribably hard for me to depend upon anyone else for anything...and yet, I had to learn to "let them bless me", as my youngest daughter has a habit of saying.

I learned just how lucky I am to have the children I do...and I appreciate them more than words can say, and every day we spend together is precious!

So.....can you pick one day you'd like to live over again? If so, my hat's off to you...I can't!

A GENTLE REMINDER...

Well, this is a record....writing in this blog again so soon....but, my last blog was a bit down and I'm over that now...as always, I bounce back.

I whine sometimes about missing New Mexico...and, I do miss it....but, then I get a gentle reminder about why I came back here.

Today my youngest daughter called on me to take her and my littlest granddaughter to the pediatrician. Little Lili was sick, poor baby and my daughter didn't have her van today. My 13 year old granddaughter, Elaina, came along, too.

When we were finished I wanted to take them to a Chinese buffet for dinner, but Lili was so sick and Janeen decided to just go straight home with her.

Kind of on the spur of the moment when I dropped them off at home, I decided to take Elaina and go to the restaurant. We don't get much time together and I thought it would be fun.
It was.
She's delightful, interesting, intelligent, thoughtful, loving, kind and loooooooves animals, especially dogs. As we were sitting there eating, I asked her what she wanted to do someday as a career. Without hesitation she said she wanted to train dogs.
I can't think of anything she'd be better suited for, as she has a genuine knack with dogs and they respond well to her.

We discussed at great length the care and training of dogs and it was wonderful listening to her.....her beautiful blue eyes just lit up and I had to smile at her enthusiasm about her favorite subject. Any dog who gets her as their trainer is in for a treat!

As we talked, I realized ....once again....why I came back here to Ohio, and how lucky I am that I had something priceless to come back to!

My children and my grandchildren are why I came back. Even if I was a millionaire and could go back to NM, I would not because my family are here and I could not imagine being away from them...especially during the Holidays when we all get together....but, even days like today when I was here when my daughter needed me, or on days when my oldest daughter stops by just to say hi and spends a little time, or my son and I get together at our favorite restaurant for lunch.....simple, everyday things like that; those things that make life worthwhile; those priceless moments that all too often aren't fully appreciated unless you don't have them anymore....and we all know how suddenly that can be taken away.

The having-to-move thing? A minor irritation, as important as a drop of water in the ocean. Not having my family around? A genuine tragedy!

Tomorrow is promised to no one....I learned that lesson a long time ago....so let's never forget that we only have this moment and let's not waste time whining about the stupid, small things that pass in a flash.

I will make my new house a home....just like I did with the house I'm in now....just like I always do, and I will be grateful that I have a place to lay my head at night that is warm, safe and comfortable when there are so many who don't have that luxury.
And I will continue to be grateful that I have my wonderful family close by to brighten up my home!

Thanks again for the gentle reminder, Lord.

CHANGES, CHANGES

Well, it's been so long since I wrote anything in this blog....time has a way of slipping away before you know it.

I'm glad Christmas is over! Although I love it, it's stressful...which, really, if we kept to the real reason for the season, it shouldn't be....but, that's a subject for another time.

Just before Christmas I got notification that I have to move from my home where I've been the past 9 1/2 years. My landlady had decided to sell this place and decided to do so at the worst possible time of year, (I mean, come ON! It's the dead of winter and miserable out) so I've been scrambling like a fool to find a new place (which, with the help of God, I did right away) then start the huge job of sorting through stuff, throwing and giving away that which I don't need, shredding old papers....you know the drill.

I've moved so many times I'm a pro at it....but, that doesn't mean I like it..and it's never easy!

I've learned over the years after many moves that you don't collect junk, you keep your closets cleaned out, don't clutter up your basement...in other words, make it easy on yourself when it comes time to make a change and "get outta Dodge".

I was upstairs just a little while ago, cleaning out my office...definitely a challenge...and came across some photos that I keep in there because I like to look at them often. I picked up one that was of my back yard at my old house in Albuquerque, New Mexico...and...I don't know...it just triggered something and I started crying.
Up until then I pretty much have kept my emotions in check. I mean, I've been through so many changes in my life, and have had to flip a 180 so many times that I have learned to roll with it and move on without too much freaking out.

When I found out I had to move...(about a week before Christmas isn't the best time to get this type of news)....I allowed myself about 10 minutes of freak-out time and then I started planning and making lists. This is how I cope. I'm a great list-maker because it puts things in focus and allows me to figure out the first step in any journey. Step one, obviously, was to find a new place to live...and I did that, as I said, within days with a bunch of help from Above. That just fell into place.

Then I called the phone company and arranged for transfer of services at the new place. That done, I started going through things and doing the sorting.

Last night, I took pictures off the walls, cleaned them and packed all the little knic knacs on the shelves and fireplace mantle. Now, there's something about that process that puts it into your mind that, okay, this is really happening; there's something final about bare walls and no knic knacs that suddenly takes away a lot of the personality of your home. Suddenly, it looks sad and empty already. Doesn't matter that all your furniture and clothing are still there and that you're still sleeping there....those bare walls say something loud and clear: you are not living here anymore.

Today, I took some filler compound and filled in all the holes where I'd hung pictures. Click, click, click.....things are moving right along and I'm patting myself on the back for being so organized and efficient ....and then I just fell apart when I found that picture. I can't even really say why that triggered the tears..except that I miss NM terribly...and I guess that photo was a reminder of how many times I've had to move and how many changes I've endured, and here we go again.

What's it like to be secure? I don't really know. There's only two times in my life when I can remember feeling secure: When I was a child up until age 12. (Then we moved to California and everything turned to crap.) The next time was when I moved to NM. I felt so at peace there; it was life-changing and the best thing I ever did for myself. That lasted for 6 years. So, out of 66 years on this earth, I've only felt secure a total of 18.
I've never owned my own home...mainly because I've never wanted to. My life was always too chaotic, too uncertain and owning a house would have been a huge burden and a chain around my neck.
So now here I am at age 66, having to uproot myself yet again and start all over once more. I'm just too old for this crap, you know? Enough already!

I'm trying to be positive. There are good things about the new place: no stairs, for one. Meandthedog know that stairs are not our friends! She's almost 15 and I can see her struggling each night when we climb the stairs up to our room.

The new place is smaller, but it has a bigger kitchen...this kitchen I have now has always been a pain because it's so tiny. But, I will miss this house. It's comfortable and familiar.

Pros and cons....you have to pick what's important and concentrate on that.

You have to roll with it.

I'm doing my best.

TIME FOR CREATIVITY

Well, once again it's been ages since I've written anything. Mostly it's been apathy, I guess.

Since I've retired...or, I should say semi-retired, since although I don't go out and work anymore, I still run my business from my home office...I too often found myself flopped down on my couch watching the Boob Tube all day....and I mean ALL day! Mindless, brain-numbing crap, for the most part.

I refuse to watch commercials (I have DVR and record all programs automatically that I want to watch, which enables me to zip past the intelligence insulting garbage in about 5 seconds)...but some of the programs aren't much better.

Anyway, I woke up one day and decided that enough was enough and I had to shake myself out of this apathetic nonsense, so I went out and bought a canvas and some acrylic paints, and I did two paintings, photos of which I've put at the top of this posting.

I am an artist. I have been since I was a child, but I'm not the type of artist that feels compelled to paint constantly and in great quantities. I will paint for awhile, maybe two or three paintings, and then won't do any for years. When I lived in New Mexico I was probably the most active; it is an inspiring place, perfect for an artist. Since I came back to Ohio in 1995, I hadn't picked up a paintbrush until the beginning of this year, even though I had one particular subject in mind for years. The photo you see at the top of this post is of that painting. (The bottom photo is of the Taos Pueblo, a 4' x 5' monster that I did for my youngest daughter, special order.) :)

I wanted to do something involving an old trailer park...I have no idea where that came from....but it haunted me ever since I first came back here to Ohio from New Mexico. My youngest daughter Janeen and I drove around one day in the not-so-nice part of town finding old parks and taking pictures of the rattiest trailers and broken down cars. I wanted the painting to have a feeling of the 1940's, and a bit of desolation,I wanted it to be in the desert, and I wanted the name of the trailer park to be "Sunset Trailer Park".

I had a sort of idea in mind of how I wanted it to look, but when I began to paint it, the brush may have been in my hand, but it took on a life of its own and I found myself just along for the ride.

I had no title in mind while I was working on it, and when it was all finished, I looked at it for awhile and knew the only title that would fit was "Her Dad's Guardian".

The man in the painting is a nod to my deceased ex-husband, and the dog is my own sweet little Poppy who loved him and followed him everywhere...she was his guardian. She was probably the only being in his life who loved him absolutely unconditionally...as our dogs do, God bless them!

My ex had his issues with alcohol. It took everything away from him...everything...including his life. It was a long, slow, painful path of destruction, and extremely sad for all of us who loved him to watch. He was very alone all his life..it didn't matter how many people loved him; it didn't matter how many people he surrounded himself with, he was alone. There was something inside him that wouldn't allow him to be happy or successful. He would head towards something good, some success..and hit a brick wall in his mind and turn back onto that path of destruction. He would do outrageous things to loved ones that would push us away, while reaching for us at the same time. I think we all felt like yo-yos..and the string finally broke, as a well-worn string tends to do.

Some things just can't be repaired.

Anyway, when I painted the man in the picture, and the dog, I knew who they were. It was the painting I had to do; the one that wouldn't allow me to dismiss it, and the one that told a story that had to be told.

The painting lives in my oldest daughter's home now. When she saw it she immediately laid claim to it; it spoke to her as it did to me, and I'm glad it's with her...I think she understands where it came from.

MY NEW YEAR'S WISH FOR YOU

To All Of You:

May you find happiness and peace in the coming year.

May your artistic talent (whatever it may be) be honed to a fine, bright edge, even greater than it already is.

May you find many new wonderful friends everywhere you go, treasure the ones you have, and reconnect with old friends with whom you've lost touch.

May you feel fulfilled in all aspects of your life: spiritually, physically, emotionally.

May you find sunshine even on cloudy days, and always appreciate the beauty that surrounds you.

May you always have an attitude of gratitude, even for the small things....and, remember: the TRULY precious things in life are free!

Most of all.....may you always be able to love, and to know that you are loved!

ON A SILVER SCREEN

ON A SILVER SCREEN

My Son! You are searching so hard

for Life's answers.

You won't find them where you've

been looking!

Listen to me:

Seeking answers of my own one day,

I took a walk into the faded-blue depths

of an old man's eyes.

I sat in the sunny meadow of his soul

where Time was only a teacher--

not a ravager.

There, on Time's silver screen,

like the everchanging clouds in our own galaxy,

were the shapes of the knowledge I'd been seeking.

I watched the epic of his lifetime

reeled out into the forms of comedy and tragedy.

I listened to distant thunderheads,

and felt the salty rain falling gently upon the meadow.

But...closer and stronger

was the healing laughter that followed,

melting away the storm.

My Grandfather's last gift to me--

and his greatest!

I wrote this poem many years ago in honor of my Grandfather, who passed away from a brain tumor. While we were apart for many years (I lived in California and he lived here in Ohio), when I returned to Ohio in 1973 we became very close, and we had a lot of good times together. When he was in his final days in the hospital, I spent time with him, just sitting there beside him, thinking about the wise things he'd said to me before he became ill. One of the last things he did, when he hadn't been responding to anyone, was to squeeze my hand when I told him I loved him.

The first paragraph of the poem was a reference to my own son who was having a hard time during that period when we first moved back to Ohio from his native California. He was not happy with me for taking him away from all his friends, and didn't understand why...or, maybe he did understand at some level...but, hated it anyway.

In my way, I was trying to tell him that it would be okay....and it was.