Soooo....when did it become such a terrible thing to look the way God made you? Or to grow old naturally?
I'm talking about this obsession too many of us have to be "beautiful" and "perfect"....or whatever the media TELLS us that might be. And who determines this standard, anyway?
Young girls in their early teens are asking for "nose jobs", breast augmentation, liposuction, etc. What is this nonsense with hating how you look? In the case of teens, I can understand some of it...I mean, before plastic surgery became the norm rather than a tool to help someone who was severely deformed, whether because of a birth defect or an accident, teens have always hated something about their looks. They don't realize that they will grow into their feet or noses or whatever. They don't appreciate their uniqueness. And, too often their mothers foster that discontent by encouraging them to have plastic surgery. (I say Mothers because usually the fathers couldn't care less, and think their daughters are beautiful, no matter what.) I can't even imagine the kind of thinking that makes it okay to basically tell your daughter she's less than beautiful....and that's what you are doing when you agree to put her under the knife and allow her to risk her life and health just so she can have a "perfect" nose or bigger boobs at age 16! She wants to look like these teen stars, or this or that famous model in a magazine who absolutely does NOT really look like her picture, which has been airbrushed or computer enhanced. NO one looks like that! And, by the way, these so-called "beautiful people" are not happy, either. I never saw such a bunch of miserable malcontents in my life as are in Hollywood! There are very few exceptions....and those exceptions are all living in the real world as real people. They know what is truly important.
Oh yeah, I've heard the arguments: "Well, she wanted this or that. It will give her more confidence." Uh huh. Okay. You believe that if you want. (What my Mother used to tell me when I asked for something ridiculous was "People in hell want ice water, too!" That pretty much ended the conversation. Her alternate response, in case she got tired of the first statement was then the question: "Have you fallen out of tree on your head?" Again, conversational suicide. There was no arguing with that.
I raised two daughters (and a son). There were things they griped about...but, plastic surgery never even entered their minds. They were always told they were beautiful, intelligent, interesting, funny, spiritual, loving, kind and empathetic....they were and still are! They were raised with true values. They were encouraged to recognize inner beauty...in themselves as well as others. I always told them: "Beauty is as beauty does!"...because no matter how pleasing your shell is to look at, if you are a self-centered, selfish, unkind, ignorant, vain, shallow person, you are ugly. And there's no surgery that will cure that!
This is something you teach your children from the time they are tiny. Especially your daughters. You also teach them that differences in people are what make them interesting...there are no molds that everyone should have to fall into in order to gain acceptance.
When I was in my 20's and 30's, I had a nice figure and people always told me I was "pretty". I was even told I looked like a Barbie doll. (No one can really look like that!) I really never saw it. I never thought I was ugly, but when I looked in the mirror I didn't see anything spectacular. That's because I was taught the same things I taught my children.
Now that I'm older, I look at photos taken when I was young and I think: "Darn! I wish I looked like that now!" But I don't. And that's okay. I have some wrinkles, my hair isn't as luxurious as it once was, and there are some extra pounds on me that I wish weren't there. I don't move as fast and I have more aches and pains. But I'm okay with that. Sometimes I look in the mirror and am shocked by that "old lady" looking back at me.....who is that? Because I don't FEEL old. In my mind, I'm still in my 30's or maybe 40's. But the mirror quickly jerks me back to reality. Sometimes I look at this reflection and I play with the idea of a little nip here, a little tuck there....and wouldn't that be nice. And then I ask myself: who would it be for? Would I be doing this for myself...or would it be because of someone else's idea of what is considered beautiful? Well, the answer is always the same: I don't need to measure up to someone else's standards...I have to measure up to my own...and those standards are pretty high and have nothing to do with physical appearance....and "old" does NOT equal ugly! Some of the most truly beautiful people do not look like plastic Barbie dolls! They have some age on them; they have not had any cosmetic surgery, and inner beauty makes them radiant! Their looks do not define who they are; their souls do. And, I don't care who you are or how good your surgeon is....when you have a face lift..or two or three...everyone can tell. Your skin is stretched so tight over your bony face that you look like a translucent skeleton! No one is fooled; they think you are pathetic.
What I do have at this stage of my life, and what I believe the truly beautiful people I just mentioned have, is inner peace. I like myself. I don't mean I think I'm wonderful....I mean I like myself. I have acquired wisdom. I know I am a good person, in that I truly care about others. I have conducted my life in a way of which I can be proud. Didn't always make the right decisions, but at least I learned from my mistakes and tried not to make them twice. I don't beat myself up for past mistakes because, first of all, I can't change the past, and secondly, I didn't make those mistakes with bad intentions. Do I wish I could go back and re-do things? Sure. But, if I did have a do-over, I'd only make a whole new set of mistakes, so better to let well enough alone.
As women, we need to stop letting others dictate to us how we should look; we need to define our own standards of beauty, and know that that beauty comes from within! And we need to teach our children....girls AND boys....what constitutes real beauty. Young girls need a reality check to figure out that no one is born looking like Barbie. (And, by the way, I did not allow my girls to play with Barbie dolls when they were growing up. I knew way back then that I didn't want them thinking this was how you should look, and becoming dissatisfied if they couldn't look like that.) We never discussed weight, either; I just made sure we all ate well and wisely from the time they were babies. There was no junk food in the house and they weren't allowed to drink soda in place of milk. We had a rule: no "brown" drinks because of the caffeine, and very little 7up or Ginger Ale. None of us was ever overweight. Part genetics and part common sense eating. Plus, they didn't sit in front of a TV all day either.
I know times are different now....but, some basic truths still apply. My youngest daughter and her husband have three gorgeous daughters (one is 16, and one is 12...the youngest is only 7 1/2 months) and they are raising them to be critical thinkers who are not falling victim to the media messages. They are not only lovely to look at, but beautiful inside as well....and isn't that what is most important?
So, see...the messages I taught my own children are being passed on, even today, despite all the media garbage that assaults our children!
The most influential parent to your children is the same sex parent...so, Mothers, please...teach your daughters to love themselves as they are. And, Fathers, teach your sons to look beyond physical appearances when they look at a young woman, and appreciate her for her mind too! And both Mom and Dad have to set a good example! Practice what you preach.
Learn to recognize the unrealistic Hollywood hype and see it for what it really is: A fairy tale; fun to read about; not to be taken seriously.
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2 comments:
I'm 35 and my mum is 72, and yet we both still feel the same (more or less) as we did at 17 or 18!
Okay, the bod isn't as flexible, and we have gained a little (how little? not telling) wisdom, but otherwise I'm the same person.
And no, I don't look the way I imagine myself, either ;)
When I read this, it really hit home with me. As a kid, I was skinny and funny looking. I never thought I would grow into my teeth or my arms and legs, let alone become a beautiful teen. All of a sudden, boom, I became a teenager, I had a nice curvy body, a pretty face and beautiful long hair.
Then all hell broke lose when I was in my early 20's and married, and had been since I was 18 years old. We moved to California, to the land of the fruits and nuts, and the land of the beautiful. I had modeled for some time before moving there, but nothing like what I saw there. I became so overwhelmed with my appearance, that I developed an eating disorder. Later in life, after having a child at 25 years old (which I might add, I had already had numerous miscarriages and was only 90 lbs or so when I became pregnant), I learned there was a name for the disease, and it is a disease. It is called anorexia. It took me counseling and help to get over this disease. I learned it was okay to eat food and exercise to keep my figure looking good. I continued to model until I was in my middle 30's. I swam, I ran a minimun of 12 miles a day and did areobics every day of the week. I was able to keep up with a small child, a husband, a career and still manage to do all the things I wanted to do to STAY HEALTHY. I was so anal about everything that went into my mouth, my husband's mouth, and especially, our daughter's mouth. She never knew what junk food was. We never had it in the house. We did not allow it. The only time she had "junk food" was her birthday cake. Our daughter was actually 5 years old when she ate her first Twinkie. And that was only at a celebration at someone else's home.
Our daughter had her Father's family body, no curves, big boned and huge breasted, she developed at a very young age. But I never ever said to her, you are too large. She hated her body, her nose, everything about herself that was not perfect. I keep her eating good food, active in sports, marching band, orchestra band, 4-H, riding horses, anything and everything she wanted to be involved in. She is now 26 years old and a very beautiful woman. Not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. She is kind and caring, although we do have our tiffs (don't all parents with their children?). No, she not the most beautiful woman in the world, but if we were all perfect, would that not be a VERY strange place to live????
So a lesson for all you parents out there that become so vain with yourselves that it wears off on your children, STOP IT. You are not helping them, you are enabling them.
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