IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

Well, hello again.

It's been about three years since I last posted anything on this blog...I can't believe it's been that long; I actually kind of forgot about it for a long time until my oldest daughter was inspired to post something on Facebook that I wrote in 2011...an experiment I had made a commitment to do about making people smile. (I still am committed to it.)
It touched me that she thought enough of it to post it on social media! And I don't even know how or why she found it....but, I'm glad she did because it reminded me that it has been too long since I wrote down my thoughts on this blog...and, once I'm gone, this will be kind of like a journal for my kids...a way for them to get to know me better. I'm much better at writing my thoughts than speaking them.

I want to do this for them because, many times over the past several years, while talking to my older sister about our childhoods, after both our parents were long gone, I realized that I really didn't know my own parents at all! What a revelation that was! Things I was so sure I knew..and had been told and believed...were fantasy. Things I thought I remembered were skewed by time, twisted into half-truths.  I felt so lost, as if something I treasured was taken from me. But, truth is truth and you have to deal with it.

I loved my Mother, but she had her issues. One of which was accepting the fact that she didn't grow up wealthy...something she'd told us kids was true. Her parents both passed away when they were very young and they left behind my mother, her twin brother and two sisters..also very young. She and her brother were placed in an orphanage until the brother was adopted. The sisters were immediately placed in adoptive homes and did not have to go to the orphanage. She wasn't adopted by a wealthy family...she was eventually given a place to live with this family in exchange for servitude and, being ashamed of her station in life, she made up a fantasy. Her twin brother and two sisters were adopted by nice people, but she was passed over. I don't know why; she was a beautiful girl...(and grew up to be a beautiful woman.)
While in that foster home, she was given alcohol at age 14 and it became a destructive addiction for the rest of her life. She already didn't feel good about herself..alcohol was just the trigger that made the pain go away at the moment, and I don't think that pain ever went away. It was heartbreaking to see...and for all of us to live with... especially her. (One thing that came out of that was my vow never to do that to my own children..and I kept that vow.)
But, despite her problems, my Mother had a great sense of humor and was the most generous person you could meet. She wanted nothing more than to make others happy, and I always knew she loved me..and I loved her, regardless.

My Dad was pretty awesome. A quiet, dignified gentle man...a gentleman and a gentle man. He was wise enough to know just how to talk to me. He didn't lecture; he just was smart enough to give me food for thought and let me figure out which way to go. Because I never wanted to disappoint him, that worked pretty well. (Oh, I promise I wasn't an angel...but, there were many times I would hear his voice in my head, guiding me, and I would make the right decisions instead of the ones I thought would be more fun..at the time.) He was the reason I became the person I am. He gave me the confidence to take risks in life...it never occurred to me that I couldn't do something; I just knew I could. I didn't always succeed, but I was never afraid of trying, and when I failed at something it didn't discourage me, I just tried a different road...and things turned out pretty good most of the time.

Mom passed away first on Christmas Day, 1978. Dad went two years later in June of 1980. Every Mother's Day and Father's Day I think about them, wishing I could have had them around longer. I hope they both knew how much I loved them while they were here, and that somehow they know I still do, and that I miss them so much. I still hear echoes of their voices when I'm trying to figure out which paths to take. Those lessons are always there.
  You have to learn to forgive, and walk in this world the best way you can because tomorrow is promised to no one, and Time is a thief who accepts no bargains.